This son-of-a-bitch has been posting here since god-knows-when without letting me know about it (that’s write two hyphenated expressions — one sentence).

Truth be told, I’m glad it’s not going to waste (and I seem to remember checking the site a few months ago and finding the random post here and there). But what we’ve got here is a downright cornucopia of material. You’d think he would have gone to the trouble to let a fox know, but . . . wrong again.

Good work . . . this is clearly not a guy who built the fucking railroads, here.

UPDATE: It turns out that the dates on this site are totally broken and that’s the reason why posts appear to have been posted this year that were actually posted last year.  Wow! What a total relief! This blog is in dire need of help.  Email if you’re interested!

This week, #37: Custom Wine Labels

The best part of customizing wine bottle labels for your be-loved is that you can get her to drink the wine, turning her into your be-naked. But if you put MS Word clip art on a Post It and glue it on, your love is going to look as cheap as the wine in the bottle is. So pay attention.

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If you’ve never been in The Rose Center for Earth and Space at the American Museum of Natural History, it’s “glassy,” and cool as shit; it makes that new Gehry-designed InterActiveCorp building on the West Side Highway look like a giant space dump. This place is seriously impressive, outside and in; like walking around inside a giant ice cube bobbing in the perfect vodka soda. And here’s your chance to have that vodka soda in the Rose Center.

Just blew your fucking mind didn’t we?

The Rose Center is running special Friday programs called One Step Beyond from now through November. From their site:

“See and be seen under the stars as world-class DJs and live VJs spin the latest music and project dynamic visuals in this spectacular new multimedia program in the Rose Center for Earth and Space. Enjoy dancing and cocktails.”

We’ll forgive the lameness of the idea of “see and be seen” because this date’s got asteroids, stars, drinks and Robert “Pick-Me-Out-A-Winner-Bobby” Redford. Tips and info after the jump… (more…)

Ladies and Gentlemen: Datehole is delving into a whole new area of journalism. Book author interviews. Please note: The following interview is NOT a parody.

David J. Rosen is the author of “I Just Want My Pants Back,” a story that deals somewhat with dating in New York. He unwisely agreed to speak with us about his first novel. We already give him credit for trying.

Datehole: About your book, Darin Strauss said that it’s as if “Bright Lights, Big City had been given a polish by a young Woody Allen.” Which part of that is most personally insulting?

David: It depends what Darin meant by the word “polish.” It sounds a bit deviant. Other than that, that is some high praise I hope the novel lives up to.

Datehole: You were in advertising. What’s your favorite Chinatown massage parlor? Alternatively, your favorite bar?

David: I don’t do the Chinatown massage thing — do you do that? Do you get sores? I feel like those places are basically petri dishes with massage tables inside. For alcohol I like Mama’s Bar, my local spot, and the Lakeside Lounge, both on Avenue B.

Datehole: L Magazine raved about the book. Is that a little bit like a twelve year old girl thinking your dick is huge?

David: It’s a little different. Less pedophilia.
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Know a girl who even pretends to like baseball? This is the date for you.

Brooklyn Bridge Fulton Ferry Park, as we have repeatedly stated, is our favorite NY park. It’s got grass, waterfront, and views of downtown NY and the Brooklyn Bridge. It is postcardian. And on Thursday nights in the summer one of our favorite activities, and a great date, is the park’s outdoor film series Movies with a View. Last year saw an excellent lineup including Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, The Warriors, and Raiders of the fucking Lost Ark. Yes and yes.

This year, not so much. But there is one “diamond” left in the otherwise very-gay-seeming rough… Oh man, are we clever… (more…)

This week, #67: The In-Flight Gift.

If you happen to be flying with your gal, one way to make the sure-to-be-unbearable flight memorable is with a surprise gift pack. And what better way to make that gift a surprise than to have the flight attendant deliver it after take-off.

Prep: Thanks to a bunch of fucking half-wits on both sides you can no longer pack two small bottles of wine. Thanks a lot assholes. Luckily there are still great things to make this work.

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This week, #8: The Postcard

My Lord, this one’s so easy that we almost hesitate to include it; instead leaving the precious #8 space to something more challenging like… making a puppet of yourself (which we’ll get to another day. No kidding.)

If we didn’t understand our audience, we could probably just skip to the end of this one and be done with it. But if there is one thing that proves that men are ignorant of what women consider romantic, it’s the continued existence, nay, success, of Zales. (more…)

This week, #82: M-A-S-H

You can actually play this game online, which seems retarded given the fact that the fun of it was going around and around and eliminating the possibilities. In the online version, you put in five (5?!) possibilities for each category (color?!) and then sit back and watch the machine eliminate the options until you are a McDonald’s manager living in Alabama married to Paris Hilton and driving a lavender tricycle. In the sense of having zero control over how your life turns in a cesspool of disappointment, the online version is probably more accurate. But that’s no fun.

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So, this weekend, we planned a free-dom extravaganza. We got on the A train, planning to go to the Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge and then out to Far Rockaway for some lovely holiday beach going. Running on a holiday schedule made the whole thing take longer than usual. So much longer in fact that leaving at 12:50, we didn’t arrive at the Broad Channel stop until about 2:30. Insane, I know. After we got out at Broad Channel, we walked 1/2 mile to the entrance of the wildlife refuge, signed a card saying we promised not to destroy the place, and then made our way onto the hiking path.

All I can say is that it was well worth it. (more…)

It’s taken as sacrosanct around the Datehole offices that dinner and drinks is the lamest thing one can do on a date. But there are ways to turn “dinner and drinks” into “Dinner. And Drinks!” As always, it’s all in the details, and in this case the details are all in Red Hook.

We promise the trip is worth it. In fact, the trip is part of it. (more…)

Brooklyn Bridge Fulton Ferry Park, as we have repeatedly stated, is our favorite NY park. It’s got grass, waterfront, and views of downtown NY and the Brooklyn Bridge. It is postcardian. And on Thursday nights in the summer one of our favorite activities, and a great date, is the park’s outdoor film series Movies with a View. Last year saw an excellent lineup including Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, The Warriors, and Raiders of the fucking Lost Ark. Yes and yes.

This year, not so much. But there are a couple diamonds in the otherwise very-gay-seeming rough… (more…)

Or Friendster. Or MySpace. Or…

It’s that time of month year when things slow to a crawl, tribal arm tattoo conferences meet at the beach to discuss new breakthroughs in roofie technology and the rest of New York restocks on Valtrex for the Fall. We here at Datehole will also be experinecing lighter posting.

We expect to be back at full flow in September.