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Women's Programming

Women’s Programming: Your Butt

08.20.07 | Posted by Hedgehog

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On account of having a few female readers we thought we’d start doing a little featurette called “Women’s Programming.” This week we turn our attention to the fit of your jeans. Specifically, the butt.

Recently we read a story about how fitting rooms are being fitted with cameras so that women (and gay men) can get an accurate look at what their butt looks like in a pair of jeans.

But once you get that accurate look, how are you supposed to know if your own ass-essment is accurate? What if your damn-I-look-good compass is off? (Case in point: Amy Winehouse)

So assuming you only dress to impress us, and we don’t see anything wrong with that assumption, below is your handy guide to knowing if those jeans are going to make us think very naughty even naughtier thoughts about you.

What you should really be shooting for is the “wrinkling effect” that happens along the middle seam of the jeans when the butt is moving. Think about the attraction of the wrinkle effect the same way you think about the attraction to the George Clooney wrinkle effect.

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The crease means your jeans aren’t muffin-topping tight, which we like because it means we’ll be able to get them off without the jaws of life. But it also means they’re snug enough that we’re getting a pretty good idea of what’s going on beneath.

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Of course, we understand it’s difficult for all God’s different bodies to find the perfect fitting pair of jeans. Lord knows we wouldn’t be any kind of model. Below are a bunch of differently sized women who we think are getting it right with what they have.

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And just for shits and giggles:

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And yes, this is the only backend Ms. Lohan got from I Know Who Killed Me.

08.20.07 | Comment | Posted by Hedgehog

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