If there’s one sport we get more excited about than pro football it’s college football. This might be because our college team was actually pretty decent most of our life. And if there’s one THING we get more exited about than college football, it’s sex. If there’s one more, it’s drinking. Which we guess would make it our third favorite thing?? Honestly, those last two or three tend to blend together into one big one.
Anyway, the superior all-things-college-football blog Every Day Should Be Saturday, aided by the sexy (but sadly seemingly all taken) Ladies at Ladies…, recently came up with a list of custom drinks for your particular college football team. These drinks were rated on how many it would take of each to get you a.) friendly, b.) fightin’, and c.) fuckin’ which they so nicely also call “compliant.” Do check them out.
We’re going to add ours here. (Two, since we went to different schools.)
Camp Randall Fondue, Wisconsin
In a pint glass mix equal parts of Milwukee’s Best, Pabst, Miller High Life and Schlitz. In a separate microwave-safe glass mix four spoonfuls of Cheez Whiz and three shots of vodka. Microwave the Cheez Wiz and vodka for 20 seconds or until mixed and liquidy. Now, drink the Cheezodka before it has a chance to harden. Chase this with the beer. There, your stomach should now feel like Barry Alvarez’s colon.
Optional: Garnish the beer mix with a Johnsonville Brat.
Friendly drunk: Badgers are always drunk, and Midwesternly friendly (which means they’ll give you the shirt off their back while secretly finding you loathsome).
Fightin’ drunk: Seven drinks (or one drink and a Michigan fan).
“Compliant”: No one in the history of time has had sex after Camp Randall Fondue
The Student Visa, New School University, New York
Mix equal parts Chinese rice wine, ouzo, Côtes du Rhône, sake, Molson, and whatever alcohol you can find from Dubai (alternatively, use camel pee). Stir with a $100 bill and then decide it’s not what you really wanted and pour out on the floor and start over. Take one full bong hit between mixes.
Have enough weed so that you think you’re actually attending NYU.
Friendly drunk: Je ne parle pas anglais.
Fightin’ drunk: Artists don’t fight, silly.
“Compliant”: Got any coke?
Also, check out the Ladies…’s Starter Wife’s pizza loaf, which The Starter Boyfriend has assured us is the Number 2 reason they’re together.
Update: That wonderfully accurate photo is not of us; it is from College Humor.