Datehole Special Report: Deep Inside Adult Friend Finder Part 3

This is Part 2 of 3 of a one-month in-depth investigation into the world of Adult Friend Finder, its users, its quirks, and its benefits, if any. Read Part one here. Read Part two here.

During the month we had an Adult Friend Finder account we received 2 emails (“Hi.” And “Hello.”), one of which was from Miami and may have been from a tranny. We did not reply. We did send a few emails to people we considered to be less than insane but never fielded a reply. Who knows why this was. We certainly don’t feel rejected.

Sure, there are a large number of people (Read: women) on this site who are using it as a much more honest version of Match.com; their profiles explicitly state that they are not interested in one night stands or very short term, sex-only relationships. We wish them luck, though given what was out there in the member-having membership we aren’t holding our breath for their success. The truth is that this site scares us a little bit and, if we have to admit it, that’s heartening.

Anyway, all further observations about AFF below will be in bullet point “this is an observation that in no ways ties into any other observation” format. This format is also known in the Chicago Manual of Style as “Lazy Man’s.” NSFW

One of our favorite profile messages was from a very attractive woman: “Hello… I’m a 31 year old girl. Not really looking, you’d have to be amazing and not someone that would come on this site for me to consider meeting. It’s rare, but has been known to happen. I keep this profile because you can occasionally catch me on here on my webcam.” Indeed.

The AFF screen has a “hide” function that, if clicked, turns your screen into the below:

Awesome. Breezy and warm with a 40% change for 69ing.

The problem is that the “hide” button is way up in a corner and very small. Also, it changes over to the “weather” screen pretty slow. Much like so much else about AFF, excellent in theory, kind of a letdown in execution.

“sluttypussy”: Now THERE’S a handle that leaves little confusion.

So, so many muscles. AFF, like a Jersey beach, is gay with muscles. And we suppose they look great but we do not have anywhere near the drive it takes to make them, even with steroids. Plus, last time we looked, Jude Law was getting Sienna-Miller-level snatch and he guy weighs like a buck thirty dripping wet.

Many women want to make it very clear that they are not racist but “black guys just aren’t my thing. Don’t hate.”

Hands down the coolest couples’ pics on AFF. They’re like revolutionary commandos fighting for the freedom to wifeswap.

Many trannies are on AFF and more power to them. But there is very little difference between a tranny and Amy Winehouse.

Plenty of women’s profiles are completely empty which immediately strikes us as a dummy profile used for looking for a boyfriend.

With regards to the above observation: While it is understandable that showing off your tattoos would help you get pussy, it is probably a sure way to get you IDed by the above dummy-profile-having girlfriend.

In closing, AFF seems like a stunningly good resource for women looking to catch particularly stupid cheating husbands. Along these lines is also seems like a portal through which other women can see just enough of their men in an anonymous profile to drive them batshit insane. Good job Adult Friend Finder, we truly are better than the animals.

But mostly AFF just seems futile. And a little bit intimidating if you don’t honestly have what it takes to sell used cars, a skill set that seems enormously useful on AFF. AFF is probably a great place for you if you are looking for like-minded fetishists. But for plain old 7-basic-positions vaginal fucking with a little oral and anal (on your birthday), AFF is an awful lot of overkill, like roofie-ing Paris Hilton.

We’re sure some good comes of this site but really we didn’t find it any more resourceful than using Match.com and clicking “play.” Or just getting a girl drunk who was looking for a “short term relationship.”