We’re not going to get into this anal sex debate; but this Details article on the subject displays maybe the fastest way to get denied anal sex: Having a woman see you reading the article. Also, below is a list of all 13 euphemisms Details used in the 1080-word article.
• backdoor (one word)
• penetrating Miss Ladylike’s rectum
• back door (two words)
• invited men in
• take it up the butt
• rearguard action
• take the service elevator
• ride in the back seat
• grant him a backstage pass
• screwing a woman rectally
• forbidden territory has been conquered
• key to the back door
• Peter Rubin (may also be the author’s name)
This got us thinking about more options: Mildly NSFW
• examining Saudi Arabia’s economic base
• send Gump to look for Viet Cong (maybe our all-time favorite)
• break ground on her 2nd Avenue subway
• take her to Williamsburg via the tunnel
• letting the Wookie win (saw this online somewhere)
• running the Q train on the local track
• check her credit
• interview her for 60 Minutes
• give Julia a column idea
• give her a subscription to Details
• but really baby it’s because I have intimacy issues with your vagina
• full blowing her AIDS
• breaking up with your girlfriend
• blitz her krieg
• let her keep her job
• create a Jezebel post
• Mission Impossible 4
• walk in her Pride Parade
• kill her Jerry Fallwell
• give to the NYU alumni foundation
• un-gentrify her neighborhood
Warning, it all goes to hell here and the funny ends: [Where was the funny before that? - Ed.]
• Bronx Sandhog
• Toledo Refund (Fox: “Well, that’s really the dribble that comes out of the ass”)
• Get her a Tony Clifton meat sandwich (Fox’s natch. WTF?)
• take her on the Datehole unlisted date
Details dudes, we really don’t know about the veracity of this lead: “Backdoor entry is now so mainstream, some guys request it on the first date.” Some? Like one guy, once? Ten percent? 80%?
Also, that image you used of the train going into a butt tunnel…
Ha, we get it. Funny. But the average Details reader might not get it. That thing almost looks low enough to be a vagina. We suggest you go with something a little less subtle.
It’s not from Getty or iStock so we’re not sure what the usage fees are. But we didn’t pay anything.
