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It’s Just Lunch? It’s Just Waterloo.

06.15.07 | Posted by Fox

Napoleon
Thees dating ting? Eees like a conquest, non?

As a part of our ongoing series of what alternative dating ideas there are out there (Hedgehog has joined Adult FriendFinder(NSFW), I shit you not), today we look at It’s Just Lunch, the saddest chapter in the evolution of online dating. How is this sadder than Adult FriendFinder? At least with AFF you’re trying and you’ve obviously got your priorities straight. Using this service is really an admission of a serious need of reprogramming: if you need someone to set up your dates for you — and you’re not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to meet people (i.e., allotting more time than the hour lunch between meetings), you obviously don’t give a shit at all. Never mind the fact that not finding dates in New York City is like being unable to shoot fish in a barrel.

More after the jump . . .

WTF Is This?

To find the flaws in this service, one need not look further than the care that they’ve put into their website: atrocious stock imagery showing unhappy people, masking their obvious contempt for each other, on totally forced, awkward dates in locales where they’re clearly not JUST eating lunch (read: “if I jump from the top step on the ladder, will the rope break before my neck is broken”); the name of the site is misspelled in the title bar (”It Just Lunch”? Come on); the logo for the service is a Powerpoint stock-art briefcase with a wineglass, a fork and a clock in it — it’s the laziest garbage logo I’ve seen in a while (see above); and then there’s this:

Many of our first dates lead to 2nd dates and our matchmaking is responsible for thousands of marriages. We have arranged over 2 million fun first dates in our 15 years.

Let’s just assume for a minute that when they say thousands, they mean nine thousand (giving them the benefit of the doubt — they would have said tens of thousands if there had actually been a ten of thousands). Now, they’ve said they’ve set up over two million couples. Alright, let’s break out the calculator: that means that they have a .45% success ratio of matchmaking. .45%?! I’d have a better chance of bringing home a date from a k.d. lang concert with those odds or a better chance of contracting an STD from the office toilet seat than meeting my match using their service. And these are their nationwide statistics.

Plus, you need to factor in a full 50% of those people will get divorced, so now they’re at .225% success rate (this translates into a .00225 bating average, which figures in later). Does a date come with a bathtub and a toaster? Of course, your goal may not be to get married . . . but I’d imagine any person who has sunk to this level isn’t looking for a good time: those people use Adult FriendFinder.

What makes it even more stupid is that the third result you get when you search google for “It’s Just Lunch” is a site called Consumer complaints about It’s Just Lunch - Angry Women. Some choice thoughts from intrepid daters:

They take your money in advance, they ask you to sign a release form and after that, you get dates that you wish you could forget about. Their clients are not what they claim they are … overweight, much older than the age they claim, some unemployed show up as “best matches of your life …”

So, not only does this make it as bad as regular online dating, but it makes it worse because it costs more. (In reference to the above complaint, see yesterday’s Quick Tip: Be Average.)

Plus, it costs $1500. What the fuck?! Did I read that right? $1500! That’s a dowry in Pakistan. You could fly you and a date to Europe for the weekend and back with that. No matter how you slice it, that’s asking for a lot of money when the service advertises their truly sad .00225 batting average (see above). Than again, you’d pretty much have to be sub-mental to sign up for this, given that this information is offered on their site.

Suffice it to say, try this “service” at your own peril. It sounds shitty; I wouldn’t do it if it meant the survival of the human race.

06.15.07 | Comment | Posted by Fox

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