There’s a lot of should-I / shouldn’t-I consideration that goes into joining an online dating service. But once people do, it’s obvious the consideration ends there, like spending a month thinking about getting a tattoo and then finally putting Barney Rubble on your hip/shoulder/ankle. Yabadabadoo you fucking loser.
A great starting point is your profile handle. It is far more important than you might think. A handle is the short screen name, or self-appointed nickname, that others will use to ignore you. Like Bush with reporters. There are a few things to know before going ahead…
Pick something that has a story behind it that you can parlay into an interesting conversation. For example, pick the handle of an obscure character name from a film or show that you loved. Names that are acceptable include: clarencewhorly; kevinarnold; tywebb, or georgelazenby. Names that are not acceptable include: coletrickle; maverick; ronburgendy; iceman; jacksparrow; thedude; and, the lowest of low, lloyddobbler (use this one and you’re dead to us and deserve the harpy you get). Also stay away from putting the year your sign up in your handle; by 2009 your brklyn2007 handle will show just how much of a failure you are.
We advise against using philiplarkin.
You can also pick something from where you’re from like route66 or appalachian. Or something from a field in which you’re an expert: cardiolOG
We tend to shy away from humorous, pun handles for the simple reason that they don’t fully leverage the handle as a topic for you to talk about or that says anything about you.
Not sure about your handle choice? Datehole runs a free consulting service. Email us your possible handle and we’ll give you a no-commitment opinion on why it sucks ass and why you should go with upinthemguts74 instead. Kidding. But seriously, we’ll answer. Just put “handle” in the subject: thedatehole [at] yahoo.com.
Below is a list of handles that we sternly recommend not using (though if you show us a screenshot of you having used one you’ll get a free beer of your choice compliments of Fox.)
• caligula
• rape2007
• markfoley
• ihavea10inchdicknoreallyidowannaseeit?
• hiv+andproud
• juliallison
• blackman
• analbeeds (but only because beads is misspelled)
• happilymarried
• illpayfordinner
• i<3viagra
• lockhartsteele (but only because it sounds like a porn star)
• tranny
• cokeymcsnortfuck
• valtrexking
• nycgirl2007
• nycgirl1972
• nycgirl1973
• nycgirl1974
• nycgirl1975
• tuckermax
• ouchthatsbig
• ihavecooties
• fuckemeintheass
• mrgoodaids
• fuckmeintheassonthefirstdate
• lightmeat
• darkmeat
• hairytanlines
• muskyman2000 (Fox’s reasoning on this: “Implies that you’re both smelly and that there were others before you who used ‘musklyman’ which also makes you unoriginal)
• unclecervix
• blingbling
• moneyman (Fox, again: “more like assface”)
• cumslut
• missbehavin
• miss[anything]
• datehole
