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Fox vs. Hedgehog: Plan B

05.30.07 | Posted by Hedgehog

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Fox vs. Hedgehog is an ongoing debate series between your humble Datehole editors. The conclusions are the absolute resting place for these topics and should be carved into stone and respected by everyone in the land.

This week: Keeping the morning-after pill Plan B in your apartment as a back up for unforeseen accidents.

Hedgehog: While I can understand the knee-jerk feeling that it is pervy and player-ish, I think that having Plan B in your apartment actually demonstrates a level of responsibility above and beyond the norm. I would argue that it’s one of best things a sexually active man could do.

Fox: And you’ll be arguing to an empty bed. Maybe you can explain it to your hand and see if it agrees with you. I’m sure it will. In the meantime, I’ll be having unprotected sex with all of your dates.

Hedgehog: But by the time you were in need of it, the “bedding” would be over. And what would you rather have, a spooked woman who never wants to see you again or a paternity suit?

Fox: The man who keeps the D & C equipment in his house is also well prepared, but I’m not about to give him accolades. It shows a certain cynicism to keep that around, even if it does mean that you’re “thinking ahead.” I vote for being unprepared and walking the 30 feet to the convenience store on your block to buy it there.

Hedgehog: D&C? What the fuck is that; one of those brands of tight black underwear with the built-in hammock you wear? Whatever: The problem with good intentions is that they are so often only intentions. I intended to teach children in low income neighborhoods. I obviously don’t do that. (In this metaphor, you are now a daddy.) And again, I’ll pass up the accolades given he alternative.

Fox: Dilation and Curettage, first off. Secondly, the alternative is walking 30 feet and also not being a total creepo.

Hedgehog: Oh, that’s those stirrups right? Got it. Totally hot.

Anyway, in closing, I think that the reasons to go out and but a pack to have are here-fold. 1) I think Clarence Worley summed it up best when explaining to Dick Ritchie about his gun: “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, It’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”; 2) What with the way elephants have been shitting on our laws, it could very soon be unavailable again; and, indirectly related to #2, 3) That one female friend you have that you haven’t slept with yet might want some someday and you’ll be her hero. You saying you don’t want to be a hero?

Fox: I’d say your argument, much like the logic the gun lobby relies, is tenuous at best. Now, your third explanation sounds like a better reason to donate time and money to Planned Parenthood or to run for office than to start stockpiling Plan B.

I’m just saying that in the context of a sexual liaison with a stranger gone awry, that having a booty of Plan B makes you weird, not heroic. Do you have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen?

Hedgehog: I just piss on anything that flares up.

Fox: I think I made my point.

05.30.07 | Comment | Posted by Hedgehog

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