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The Three Jakes Do Alyssa

05.24.07 | Posted by Hedgehog


So the three Jakes thing is still going on over at Glamour.

The recent campaign is a great bunch of brandsturbation on behalf of Glamour. And while we consider ourselves above doing the oh-so-easy reach-around joke regarding wannabe Glamour dating Jakes giving advice to another Glamour blogger (obviously, Neel would be the other reacher as he looks to be the only one with the wrist strength), we would however like to take a crack at answering Alyssa’s dating quandary.

“…I am not looking to get married tomorrow, but I am a little tired of dating around so much. I want to find a great guy and focus. But I always seem to fall for the wrong guys (dreamers without jobs, bachelors who love the single life, young ones I can’t take seriously). Can you tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to meet someone I could actually have a relationship with?”

Dear Alyssa,

Well, with that deep, detailed analysis of the failings in your dating life it’s obvious what the answer is; you’re more vacant than the Plan B shelf at the Bleeker Street Duane Reade. Oh, you had a word limit? Sorry, ok…

Ignoring that you make your social life public for a living and pretending you are a normal person, we feel that it is certainly most likely that your problems finding a man with whom to “focus” stem directly from a deeply engrained sense of… of… aw, fuck it, we can’t ignore that…

It has to do not only with the fact that you make your social life public but that you have a personality that thinks that this is perfectly acceptable. This, to us, makes you insane. And we don’t date insane. (Though we will, in all likelihood, bang it like a New Orleans screen door.)

We only hlf believe you have any problems but good luck anyway. Neel’s answer wasn’t so bad. You should try sleeping with him, if you haven’t already.

05.24.07 | 1 Comment | Posted by Hedgehog

1 Comment


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