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Commentary, Exercise, Humor, New York

Open Letter New York Sports Club

05.24.07 | Posted by Hedgehog


Dear NYSC,

While we do not particularly enjoy working out, we do see it as the means to the ultimate ends we pursue, namely, to be able to continue to check “average” for Body Type on our Match.com profile. God forbid we have to click “A Little Extra Padding.” During our workouts we watch the TVs you’ve conveniently provided us to take our minds off the fact that we’re bettering ourselves.

But, really, couldn’t you help us out a little bit? It’s bad enough that those harpies from iVillage have a noon program now. And we’re not ESPN fans. That’s why we like the music videos channel. Except that your in-house video channel is programmed by the same people who pick songs for car commercials. That or Matt Lauer. Today, in a half-hour segment we got an Eric Clapton video (from the kid-just-fell-out-a-window period), a Roger Waters video (solo tour, so: shitty) and a Sheila E video. Shelia fucking E.

We want motivation. We want to watch something sexy. This is the only time we would acceptably watch those cross-dressed Pussy Cat Dolls, or Shakira, J. Lo, Rihanna, or any other of the skanky women who now pass off stripper moves as dancing. Hell, we’d even watch a Duff for fuck’s sake.

Fix this shit before we have to click “Robust.” Or “cancel.”

Yours in Sweat,


PS. Thanks for assraping our credit card again this month. You know, you were right; it totally hurts less than it used to now that we lube up with some of the industrial goop you consider shower soap.

05.24.07 | 2 Comments | Posted by Hedgehog



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