… is hurting America

We here fully intend to get our act together and cover all of NY’s dating columnists with the sort of tender critique and constructive criticism you’ve come to expect at Datehole. But first we want to point you to the contest that (still relevant!) Time Out New York is holding to name its new dating column written by Julia Allison:

“Our new dating column needs an identity… Over the next two weeks, all entries to the site will be considered and narrowed down to the top five, which will be voted upon by, once again, YOU… The prize is a dinner for two at a TONY-selected, date-appropriate restaurant.”

One entry per person is bullshit. (Though, with that text free-form field, that one entry could, apparently, be 17,000 words long.) So here’s all our ideas:

• Roofied in New York
• Life After Cox
• I’ve Got More First Names Than Dates
• Adult Friend Finder
• Poll Me
• HuffHo
• The Dry Hump
• That Time of the Month Week

The full list after the jump:

• Roofied in New York
• Life After Cox (My God there were a lot of “Cox” possibilities)
• I’ve Got More First Names Than Dates
• Adult Friend Finder
• Poll Me
• HuffHo
• The Dry Hump
• That Time of the Month Week
• Figuratively Notorious; Notoriously FiguredConniving
• No Means No
• Retarded Dater
• I’m Not a Whore (this is Fox’s. Even we don’t get it)
• Carrie Bradshaw is Fictional
• I’m Not a (real) Whore (this is ours. See, better.)
• Sex & the City
• You’re Too Stupid to Date by Yourself
• Arched Backs are Hot
• This Will Someday Be a Book So Don’t Worry About It
• The Weekly VD
• I Went to Georgetown and All I Got Was This Lousy Column
• Dating for Fun and Profit
• Communicable Ideas
• My Short Bus
• Roofie Me (Our SECOND Roofie Entry. So, so proud.)
• Golf Pencils in Mine Shafts
• If Everyone Fucked Like Samantha, We’d All Have AIDS
• How to Be With Leather, Forever
• [COLUMN NAME] sponsored by Valtrex
• Link Whore
• Annoyed the New York Times Didn’t Interview Me; Surprised No News Producers Have Called Me – I Take It Out On NY Men Who Are Obviously Beneath Me.
• I Would Never Date a Time Out Reader
• New York Fuck Machine
• Fake Lesbians are Hot
• Define “Prostitute”
• Busted Girl
• The Panty Trade
• Just Not That into This Column
• My Self-Deprecation is Fake
• Tales From Llyod’s Grove & Harold’s Ford
• Fucked by Neel Shah

Readers Note: “Sex on the Hilltop”, “Sex Editor,” and “The Dating Life” are out as Julia has already written columns with those names which is too bad because two of those are perfect.

Leave yours in the comments or email them to us at thedatehole [at] yahoo.com.

The deadline’s May 28th. Datehole will enter the best idea on your behalf and show up to the dinner date with a puppet stand-in for Julia. This will be documented with pictures.