Starting Monday, June 4th and continuing every Monday through Sept. 24th, Ulysses’ at 95 Pearl St. will be hosting Lobster Night as part of the summer’s River to River festival. A pound-and-a-half lobster with baked potato and corn on the cob will set you back just $17. Sign. Us. Up. Just one problem…
Ulysses’ is exactly as pompous as it sounds. Its website features images of James Joyce, Ulysses himself (we’re guessing), names like Circe and Nestor and Telemachus and a giant fucking freaky eyeball; hey everybody, Cyclops! (Christ, Ok, we get it; it’s Six Flags for Literature MFAs who now work in branding.)
Anyway, it’s for this reason we recommend you call ahead and order your lobster TO GO. But there’s a few very important things you need to prepare to make this work.
Tip: Get your lobster tools in advance and bring them along. You can order a lobster/nut-cracker on Amazon for a couple bucks. We saw a simple version (with little pokers even) at our local crappermarket for $1.69.
Tip: Bring some bibs or a bunch of paper towels.
Tip: Decant some wine at home and bring it. Or, Three Thieves makes great white and red wines and packs them in 250 ml Bandit Bullet “juice boxes” which are $2.50 (online). The liter boxes are about $10. We’ve found both for the same prices at local liquor stores. The four-pack would be perfect. Order a few online to have around for other activities. Get white. (And, yes Fox, we are still plugging this wine. Jerk.)
Tip: Take along Ulysses’ number 212-482-0400 so you can place your order from the road (see Fraunces Tavern below).
Tip to Seem Smart: Guinness World Records lists the largest lobster ever caught at 44.4 lbs.
Tip to Seem Smart: Prior to the 20th century lobster was seen as a food of the poor. It was so undesirable that there was a limit on how much could be fed to prisoners due to it being considered inhumane.
Tip to Seem (hyper) Smart: If you really want to be able to speak about lobster intelligently (and humorously) read David Foster Wallace’s seminal (is there any other kind of DFW) essay for Gourmet magazine Consider the Lobster. (Warning: PDF link).
Tip: After you get your lobster, go hunting for a waterfront bench by the ferry or in Battery Park. (Alternatively, the brave can actually take it on the Saten Island Ferry for a lobster dinner cruise.)
Where: Ulysses’; 95 Pearl Street; 2/3 train to Wall St.; R/W train to Whitehall St.; 4/5 train to Bowling Green; from all, walk 5 – 7 min.
When: Every Monday night from June 4 to Sept. 24; 5:00 pm to 3:30 am.
Cost: $16.95 (not including tax)
Before the lobster, start at Fraunces Tavern just a bloack away at 54 Pearl St. It’s the only place Datehole’s dad absolutely cannot miss when he comes into the city. The bar is the perfect place to grab a beer and reel off the following crazy-sexy-cool history.
• The original Fraunces Tavern was a house but was converted to a bar in 1762.
• Pre-Revolutionary War the tavern served as a rallying point for the Sons of Liberty (like, the Rage Against the Machine of their day except, like, effective).
• George Fucking Cheery-Tree Washington himself actually had a beer here in 1783 when he bade farewell to the Continental Army officers. (That’s what gets the dad all hot and bothered.)
• A bomb blew up inside the building in 1975 set off by a Puerto Rican nationalist group called FALN. No one was ever charged.
Tip: Fraunces is a madhouse at lunch but perfect in the evenings.
Where: Frances Tavern: 54 Pearl St. (corner of Broad St.); 2/3 train to Wall St.; R/W train to Whitehall St.; 4/5 train to Bowling Green; from all, walk 5 – 7 min.
When: Bar’s open Mon. – Fri. 3:00 pm to 11:00 pm; Saturday: 11:00 am to 9:30 pm.