C-Nova’s 122™ is a collection of highly creative things you can do to impress a woman you are dating. The 122 honors the 122 women Giacomo Casanova mentions having slept with in his book “Story of My Life.”
This week, #97: The Condom in the Mail.
Alright you rooks, there’s no way around that this one isn’t for the faint of heart. Think you have the stones?
After you’ve had carnal relations with that special lady friend there’s no better way to keep her excited than to slip her small reminders about exactly what it is you do for her. But, like everything else, there is a right way to do this and a wrong way.
Sending her a phone cam picture of your “Little Idiot” is a wrong way.
The reminder should be indirectly sex related. A box of condoms is perfect if you just went through a box with her or ran out. (See, this means you intend to see her more and that you are directly commenting on a shared experience and thus reminding her of… and cue: *blush*.)
But other items work well too.
Prep: Whatever it is you decide to send it should be at least moderately personal. Anything that you talked about during nakedness will do: For example:
• Talk about poker while basking in the afterglow? Get some racy playing cards and send only a full house.
• Work a little 91/2 Weeks ice cream action into your carnality? Send her a gift certificate for Ben & Jerry’s with handwritten note along the lines of “to replace what we used the other night.” She’ll (very pleasantly) blush when she uses it.
• Take a shower together afterward? Send her a “very special” rubber ducky.
Again, if all else (read: your imagination) fails, you can just send a box of condoms (as long as you ARE using them). The cornier the better.
Warning: Do not send anything that has specifically been made for this purpose; this only proves you think like greasy 55-year-old playboy. This means no “sexy” board games, nothing with the word “naughty” on the packaging, and, sweet Jesus, not those ungodly “sexy dice.”
Don’t be this guy. Just don’t.
Finish: Basic. Appropriate sized. No hearts or childish stuff on the packaging; this isn’t the Z train and you’re not a “tagger.”
Delivery: You’ll need to find her address. #97 works best if you send it to her at work and work addresses are easy to get.
Prep Time: less than an hour.
Level of difficulty (1-10): 2
Cost: Less than $20
Final Note: We’re assuming your not dating some high level exec for whom mail is opened by some underling. If this is not the case, you might want to skip this particular C-Nova 122 and you also might want to stop reading blogs at work because it’s going to piss off your shareholders.
As always, do not under any circumstances use any of C-Nova’s 122™ with a woman you just started dating. She will (understandably) think you are insane and she will (understandably) run away. We recommend having dated somebody exclusively for at least three months before attempting any of these. And even then use The 122™ no more than once every six weeks.
[Fox’s Note: This will NEVER work unless your girlfriend is a whore and you are a sociopath.]