If you don’t think golf is sexy you haven’t seen Mrs. Tiger Woods’ boobies. Or John Daly’s. Starting a date with a little rip-it-and-grip-it can get the blood flowing. And it’s twice as safe as a batting cage so you don’t have to worry about her taking one in the eye.
Luckily the Chelsea Piers Golf Club makes one of the world’s most exclusive, expensive sports both accessible and affordable. WASPs must hate this place. Stacked decks of stalls let you drive balls into a netted-in cage extending 200 yards out in the Hudson.
Once you enter the Golf Club you’ll have to buy a card with a set dollar value. How many balls that card gets you depends on peak or off-peak times. You’ll also need to rent clubs. Two drivers (“1 woods”) are all you really need.
Tip: Get her a woman’s club if she’s shorter than 5’8” and make sure you ask her if she’s a lefty.
A good start is the $30 card (126 balls peak / 186 off-peak). How long 136 balls can last you depends. If you talk and are very social, you can plan on at least half hour. If you go at night there is no rush. Feel free to dally.
Tip: The Golf Club cards are done on value and whatever $ amount you don’t use is good another day. So getting a $50 card might save you a trip back to reception for a refill.
Tip: Learn how to swing first so you can get in there close and instruct her. Yeah, that’s right, from behind. Think Kevin Costner and Rene Russo in Tin Cup.
Tip: There are no buckets. Each ball is raised automatically out of the floor on a tee in some kind of awesome Jetsons kick-assedness which is totally fucking sweet.
Tip: There are no drinks served in the stalls. So either get a drink before or better yet bring some Bandit wine in a juice box. Three Thieves makes great white and red wines and packs them in 250 ml Bandit Bullet “juice boxes” which are $2.50 (online). We’ve found them for the same price at local liquor stores. The four-pack would be perfect. Order a few online to have around for other activities.
Tip: Comfortable shoes and non-restrictive clothing are a must.
Tip: There is cigar smoking. Just FYI.
Where: Chelsea Piers Golf Club. 18th Street and West Side Highway (The Golf Club is at the southern most part of the CP facility). A/C/E/L to 14th Street or C/E train to 23rd. From both of these the walk is about 15 to 20 min.
When: Oct – March - 6:30am - 11:00pm / April – Sept - 6:00am - 12:00am. PEAK HOURS: Weekdays 5:00pm - 9:00pm / Saturdays 9:00am - 9:00pm / Sundays 9:00am - 6:00pm.
Cost: Plan to spend at least $30. Plus $5 for clubs. Our trip was $37 total, during peak, for 126 balls and 2 clubs. Check the site for peak hour charges.
After golf you’re going to want to grab some food and maybe a few drinks. A couple good options:
The Half-King at 23rd Street and 10th Ave. serves good beer and food. Plus it’s part owned by Perfect Storm author Sebastian Junger which seems to make it smarter somehow.
Another option is to walk down toward 14th Street and Istanbul Grill at 310 West 14th just west of 8th Avenue. The place is 24 hours and a big benefit is that the small dining area is separate from the greasy kitchen. This is dive dining at its best and maintains a flavor of adventure. Plus, if you’ve already had a few Bandit Bullets you won’t need too many more drinks.
Of course you can also stay at Chelsea Piers and eat at one of their restaurants or bars. We did not test this option because it sounds shitty.
Thank you very little.